With the same level of inevitability that ensures you are always ill during your longed-for ‘holibobs’, that your numbers come up when awaiting a cancelled train and that your numbers don’t come up on the lottery rollover, I have embarked on a January health kick and I’m now about to share that pain with you via this column.
The only problem with this is that despite it only being day three of this vague scheme to look acceptable in shorts by next week (the weekend didn’t count, obviously) I have already encountered insurmountable obstacles in the form of an entire tin of left over Quality Street and a chocolate log.
Also, I was hungry.
The gym has yet to be visited due to fears on encountering the motivated new year hordes.
They will stop coming next week, so I’ll rock up then.
Makes sense, right?
And if managing my self discipline isn’t difficult enough, having ‘new year new you’ advice and guidance shoved down your throat willy nilly is terribly confusing.
Let’s be honest, we all know what to eat to be healthy – and that is anything you like in balanced moderation.
What we are really looking for is a miracle cure that will allow us to eat double cheeseburgers, drink a gallon of wine, chomp on chocolate and still live healthily and with stunning good looks to the age of 100 when we will fall off our perch gracefully and in no pain whatsoever.
Or at least be able to holiday in scanty clothes without shame.
But these fitness fads simply do not deliver.
Low carb often means low energy and therefore low self control when approaching a shop full of cakes.
Latest trend ‘clean eating’ is a tad confusing though I’m quite happy to wash my crisps before consuming if it will ensure I don’t break the scales.
The newest is ‘spiralizing’ veg to make it look like pasta or chips.
We are all vulnerable to these trends, even if for most of us it only lasts one day.
Fact is the only thing that will really work is hard work, and for most of us the inevitable strikes – laziness.