Remote Control - Saturday May 02, 2015

Kirstie and Phil Allsopp in Love It Or List It
Kirstie and Phil Allsopp in Love It Or List It

Loathe it or list it for lame old story

If television’s best known property experts – the ubiquitous Kirstie Allsopp and Phil Spencer – were a vegetable they would both be a potato.

Like the humble spud they are almost universally liked and are incredibly versatile.

But, if their flagship vehicle Location, Location, Location is a plump, golden oven chip then their latest incarnation, Love It Or List It (Channel 4, Tuesday 8pm), is cold, lumpy mash.

I have always imagined that programmes like this are dreamt up after a WKD-fuelled session and a game of spin the bottle.

Everything about it screams scraping the barrel, particular the name – what does ‘list it’ mean?

Of course I Googled it and discovered that the network’s latest attempt to tap into our obsession with homes isn’t even original rubbish – it is a concept which first aired in Canada, which is hardly a ringing endorsement for any television programme.

The premise of this programme is that Kirstie encourages couples to spend money on improving their homes while Phil tries to get them to sell the property and, hey presto!, we have another show which stretches the credulity of even the most square-eyed idiot.

It isn’t just lifestyle shows which are becoming increasingly devoid of any originality – there is a trend for ‘gritty’ factual programmes about how hard up people are making ends meet.

I am waiting for the day that Five commissions a documentary called ‘I Ate The Dog Because Nobody Would Buy My Gran’ – I would not bet against it being made but in the meantime we have to make do with the feeble Del Boys and Dealers (Tuesday 10.55pm, BBC1).

While it certainly isn’t a new low for the Beeb – there will always be Citizen Khan – this toxic combination of Antiques Roadshow meets Cash In The Attic verses Skint is depressing to say the least.

It promises to introduce us to larger-than-life wheeler dealers who dream of the big deal which will bring them untold riches.

Sadly the reality is that they are hard up dreamers who buy and sell tat and (very occasionally) get very lucky.

It really isn’t worth an hour of screen time, never mind an entire series and the best excuse yet for me to take up reading again.

@blaisetapp1