Everything’s (not) AOR

It’ll be better than a San Antonio Foam Party.

Half Man Half Biscuit can fill the void after an Evening Of Swing (Has Been Cancelled) in a Busy Little Market Town.

They’ll be Joy In Leeuwarden, well Blackburn, after a Fun Day In The Park, well Witton Park, When The Evening Sun Goes Down.

Four Skinny Indie Kids with Sensitive Outsider Nigel but there will be no Eno Collaboration.

As long as there’s no Left Lyrics In The Practice Room, expect witty asides from the post-punk Tranmere fans.

Just don’t take your Problem Chimp or be a Blue Badge Abuser (parking is available).

Restless Legs?

It’s on Saturday, May 24 at King George’s Hall.

Directions to Blackburn?

Don’t turn off at the sign saying Asparagus Next Left, Keeping Two Chevrons Apart, and look out for the King Of 
Hi-Vis, but don’t be cheeky, he’s On The ‘Roids.

Dress code?

Joy Division Oven Gloves, Dukla Prague Away Kits, Tour Jacket with Detachable Sleeves, and have glistening teeth with 27 Yards Of Dental Floss.

Irk The Purists by asking for Tiffany’s I Think We’re Alone Now rather than Tommy James and the Shondells’ version.

Tickets: £20. Call 0844 8471664 and not £24.99 From Argos.

Sponsoring the Mospits is not available for this gig.

Better than a Styx Gig (Seen by My Mates Coming Out of A), a Christian Rock Concert or Prag Vec at The Melkweg.

This concert is not a charity fundraiser for the Deep House Victims Minibus Appeal.